Oh Christmas Tree... (Christmas Competition)

Two posts in one day! I'm making up for a few lost days.

I know that it's still quite early, but since I will be going to London next Friday I am, as always, having one week's Christmas in Bristol. I don't go mad, but I do draw my own tree on my whiteboard. This year, I decided to let out my tree's inner 'anorak' and have highly symbolic, uber geeky decorations. To make it a little more exciting, I've decided to set you guys a challenge:

• There are 13 'baubles' and a 'star' on my tree, and each one is a reference to something I love and am considered geeky about.
• You will earn a point for each of the 14 symbols you can recognise, and hopefully everyone knows what points mean - Prizes!
• The first 3 people, if any, to get over 10 points (without help) will receive a prize, hopefully related to their own personal area of geekiness, but possibly just chocolate...

Small Print:

Don't put your answers in a comment as this will help others and render the game somewhat pointless. It's probably best to email me, or send me a message on Facebook where the game will also be posted. Some of the pictures, are really obscure/rubbish, since they were drawn by me - who is a bit of an obscure person at the best of times, and I'm also not known for my artistic skill. As such, if I get lots of complaints, I will lower the prize threshold; I'll keep you posted on that.

... of the Week (#12):

This week - Word of the Week (#11):

boffin

n. Possibly an acronym taken from the Armed Forces, meaning 'Back Office Intelligence'.

The etymology of this word is actually uncertain, but I have presented my personal favourite theory. Having had this word levied at me as an insult for the majority of my school career, this post is aimed at reclaiming it as a positive word. I was always proud to be called a boffin, and I would like to think that this definition may help others too.
If you are unsure of how to use it, think of it as the original English version of the now commonly used Americanism - geek.

This post is a couple of days late due to a horrific coursework load, sorry about that. Apologies also for the somewhat lacklustre words lately, I will soon be returning to London and the majority of my books, so hopefully I'll be able to share some more unusual/fun words over the Christmas period.

... of the Week (#11):

This week - Word of the Week (#10):

sesquipedalian

n. Given to using long words. Related to sesquipedalia which means a very long word (often described as a foot and a half long.

… of the Week (#10):

This week – Word of the Week (#9):

groggy

adj. Unwell or run down – generally as a result of having had too much to drink.

In 1740 Admiral Vernon, the commander in chief of the West Indies replaced the neat rum which was then issued to all sailors twice daily, with a watered-down version. The Admiral was well-known among the sailors of the fleet, with a nickname of ‘Old Grog’*, and the unhappy men soon began calling the new watered-down rations ‘Grog’ in his honour. It wasn’t long before the ever-inventive general populace extended this name and started referring to those sailors under the influence of said Grog as grog-y, which then became the word that we (well me anyway) know and love today.

I use this word quite a lot as I am always pretty ill, although unfortunately I rarely have the enjoyment of being drunk first. Hope you like it, it sometimes seems almost onomatopoeic (if I can corrupt the word) in the way it describes that feeling of, well, grogginess…

 

*Grog was a nickname attributed to him on account of a Grogam coat (made of a mixture of mohair and silk) which he invariably wore.

Is It Me?

Or has anybody else been wondering; does the increasing popularity of BlueTooth make conventionally mad people look normal or visa versa? Just a thought…

... of the Week (#9):

This week - Word of the Week (#8):

usquebaugh

n. The water of life. A compounded, distilled, aromatic spirit; the Irish sort is particularly distinguished for its pleasant and mild flavour. The Highland sort is somewhat hotter; in Scottish they call it whisky.

mmm, whiskey...

… of the Week (#8):

This week – Word of the Week (#7):

This week’s word was actually the first, and by far the most successful, word that I picked when restarted this experiment a while ago. That was before I decided to share my experiences in this with t’ interweb, and I can’t resist picking it again. So, back by (my own) popular demand and dedicated, with thanks for the memories - past and yet to come, to David;

evagation

n. The act of wandering.

… of the Week (#7):

This week – Phrase of the Week (#1):

This week, instead of just the one, I am giving you a whole bunch of words of the week. I’ve even strung them together to form a real phrase. Just to shake things up a little.

Bad (or Good) Egg

19th Century. To describe someone as a good or bad egg is to suggest that they are decent, reliable or dependable (or not as the case may be). The expression bad egg came first and was used in 1855 in Samuel A Hammett’s novel Captain Priest. The analogy used in the book draws on the fact that an egg can appear on the outside to be fresh, and yet when the shell is broken it may turn out to be rotten inside.

At the beginning of the 20th century, some students began reversing the phrase and describing decent people as good eggs.

I am a fan of this pair of phrases, and I have tried over the years to incorporate them into my vocabulary – I seem to remember my friends at school remarking on it when we were younger… I hope that you can find a chance to use one (or both) of them this week.

... of the Week (#6):

This week – Word of the Week (#6):

This week we have a slightly more contemporary word:

mummerset

n. An invented English dialect that mimics the stereotypical English Westcountry accent (it is not, however, specific to any particular county).

The name is a play on words: the combination of "mummer", a slang term for a folk actor, and the name of the largely rural county of Somerset.

Anyone who’s heard Round the Horne will know this accent from a character called Rambling Syd Rumpo. These days though, it’s probably better recognised – particularly among my friends – in phrases such as “a’right my luvver” when spoken by non-native Westerners.

Apparently I have lately been subconsciously using this accent, saying words such as “foin” instead of “fine”… I really hope that folk will have a play with this week’s word, even if it’s adopting the meaning rather than the word itself.

... of the Week (#5):

This week – Word of the Week (#5):

There is a possibility that this week’s word might become personally relevant to me soon, but for today I picked it on the basis that it sounds quite nice.

whiffle

v. To move inconstantly, as if driven by a puff of wind.

.. of the Week (#4):

This week – Word of the Week (#4):

This week sees another offering from Samuel Johnson (It’s the only book I brought back to Bristol with me, so we’ll probably hear a lot from him). I really like this word and I hope that it’s one that you guys will have a go with during the next week.

gad

v. To ramble about without any settled purpose; to rave loosely and idly.

Shrinking

         I hate that shrinking feeling,

         It gets me every time.

            Morale growing ever smaller,

            Confidence knocked right back.

         He takes pride in it -

         It’s there in his eyes.

           Watching as you break.

            He’s meant to help -

         He knows it’s his job,

         And his manner seems kind.

            Then you actually ask

            And Jekyll turns Hyde.

Nothing else you can do,

So you shrink away.

No more support.

Fade away.

Disappear.

It’s World Mental Health Day today. I wrote this poem this morning – it’s very much a rough draft, and I’m never particularly comfortable without rigid forms to follow, but it’s a (very) vague idea of what part of being depressed can sometimes feel like.

Let me know what you think, I’m not sure I’ll keep it, but I wanted to mark today with something.

New Term, New Me?

Bristol University starts teaching again on Monday. It was touch and go, but I made it back - and am still on track for a Masters too. Although my overall year average wasn't amazing, I am taking comfort in the fact that I managed a 2:1 or greater in nearly half of the modules. I really hope to build on that this year, and to prove, to myself and some other people, that I can do this.

There are a bunch of you out there who really helped last year, supporting me both morally and, in some cases, practically (Thank you especially to JB and Harry on the ComSci front). I know that a few of the people that helped probably wish that they hadn't as I wasn't exactly a picture of confidence, and I am aware that this annoyed some folk. However, I am extremely grateful to all of you, and I really hope that, having got this far, I can push through to the end and earn the good will that you've been kind enough to send my way.

I hope that you like the word of the week slot, and I aim to share some more of the quirkier, more positive aspects of me in the future.

... of the Week (#3):

This week – Word of the Week (#3):

Short one this week, dedicated particularly to one of my cousins (snowingindoors – see the links on the sidebar) who has set herself up in business in this corner of the market.

kindergraph

n. Photograph of a child.

From the German kinder – child, and the Greek graphikos – picturesque.

... of the Week (#2):

This week – Word of the Week (#2):

This week it’s an offering from Dr. Johnson, and was again chosen to be vaguely relevant – this is not a general trend in my method of electing a word, it’s just that in the last few weeks, when it came to picking the new addition to my vocabulary, relevancy seemed to be the appropriate avenue to take.

So, in honour of my brother’s receipt of Rose Kemp’s new album:

geason

adj. Wonderful

Apologies for the lack of regularity, the last few weeks have been somewhat up in air. I am, however, soon to be returning to Bristol for the new academic term, and I hope to be a more reliably consistent poster – the aim being to provide another place of refuge from the day-to-day life which can pall after a while if not interspersed with a little of the minor, yet interesting, obscurities which provide, if not the backbone then perhaps the funny bone of our society.

All comments and content suggestions welcome. No, encouraged.

... of the Week (#1):

This week – Word of the Week (#1):

So, recently I have been indulging in a little fancy. Every week I have been picking a word - generally one out of common use, and giving myself a week to try it out and see how it feels. On the whole it's been pretty fun, and I'd like to share the experience.

Quite often I use a book that I have which contains a selection of Dr Samuel Johnson's definitions. However, this week I have decided to post a rather more relevant word, which the world seems to have almost desensitised itself to. These days this word carries with it an aura of flippancy, and I have used it myself in that sense, but for students, especially those with health issues like me, it has a very particular pertinence:

failvb
1. to be unsuccessful in an attempt.
2. to stop operating.
3. to judge or be judged as being below the officially acceptedstandard required in a course or examination.
4. to prove disappointing or useless to someone.
5. to neglect or be unable to do something.

This word will probably last a fortnight, but I promise the next one will be better/funnier, and at some point I may mix it up a bit with some new phrases or origins of myths etc.

Who'd've thought a poem could rule your life?

I hate this poem.

One night in the Easter holidays I was woken up with the first verse of this, and it has been haunting me ever since. The rhymes and structure are tenuous at best and the logical part of me is telling me to burn it, in the same way I do two-thirds of all my other poems, and forget it ever existed. However, I can't seem to shake it, so I'm hoping that publishing it will finally make my brain accept that it's finished and move on.

What is it you want from me,

Confirmation that your path was right?

Or do you just want me to give

My life for yours, that you might live?

Are your glasses that rosy,

Can you not remember your own plight?

You may have reached your tunnel's end,

Other wounds take longer to mend.

I had hoped that you would see,

The cost of asking for new insight.

Your passion and strength serve you well,

But some of us still live in hell.

And now, 'through a glass darkly',

You're looking with scorn upon my fight -

For all we are alike, we two,

I can't just drop what you outgrew.

Enough pressure, let me be:

My head is hurting, my chest is tight.

I needed an objective eye,

Not a lecture on 'do or die'.

I feel like a sapling tree,

Expected to grow in strength and height.

But some trees take longer to grow,

And are no worse for going slow.

I never wanted your pity,

I am aware that I sound uptight:

You misunderstood my question -

You judged me on your own fortune.

So now I'm feeling guilty

For looking to you who is so bright;

A role model I only bore,

Who kicks me down upon the floor.

I asked for help, finally -

Put my pride away, worked through the fright.

In different ways the battle's won,

And now I hold the smoking gun.

I'm losing all energy,

I'm sure it affords you great delight.

I kinda thought that you would know,

Old scars reap what new wounds sow.

Breaking Radio Silence

I will be posting again soon. I have a poem and some other stuff to share with people: some of it is a bit raw though, and I'm bogged down with revision/coursework at the minute, so watch this space - but not with bated breath because you might go blue...

This is me, getting a life.

I've decided that if I want to get out of this rut in my life, I need to take some affirmative action. So for starters I am making a list (in itself something I like to do) of things that I feel I should/would like to do sometime in the near future.

Doing more stuff that you like and trying new stuff is generally acknowledged to help improve the way people feel and although everyone knows that I am a neophobe, I've got to the stage where I'm willing to try anything.

Now, you may be asking why I'm bothering to post this, but I would like to ask you lovely people to take a look at the list and maybe suggest either things to add, or ways to do stuff that's on there.

Here goes:

Stuff I have let lapse and would like to start up again:

* Enjoy Maths

* Photographs

Take

Edit

* Poetry/Prose

Read

Write

* Recreational walks

* Origami/crafting

New Stuff I would like to try/do:

* Buy and watch Guys and Dolls

* Buy a CoolBoard (If staying at Uni)

* Start to enjoy Programming

* Get properly and catastrophically hammered

* Go Bowling

* Go Ice Skating (?)

* Dye Hair

* Henna Tattoos

* Go to the Gym more

* Lose some weight

* Listen to more music (New Stuff?)

* Eat better/more (New Stuff?)

* Learn to drive

* Write comic for Mark to draw

* Get more sleep

* Find a new hobby

This list is in no particular order, and I would really appreciate any suggestions for prioritising the list, adding new ideas, or psyching myself up to actually do some of this stuff! Thanks peeps, love ya all.

Panic

I'm having a panic attack, and the only way to try and keep it vaguely under control is to be writing something like this.

I would be doing coursework, but just looking at that seems to make it worse: I can feel my head burning as though someone had just poured a mixture of boiling oil and burning tar into every crevice in my brain and watched as it seeped it's way through all my synapses and seared away any pretence I had to intelligence.

So instead I'm doing what I started this blog for - using it to stave off the wave of hysteria by writing a post and letting my obsession for decent grammar and content flow and take over my head. Unfortunately, when I'm in a state like this, what my mind thinks is good content and grammar is different to what I would normally consider checks those boxes. So apologies to anyone reading this who is wondering why it doesn't seem to make much sense.

This is one of the worst panic attacks I've had in ages, and it is making me feel very ill indeed. I went to bed ridiculously early last night because I thought that if I could get to sleep it might not come. I didn't get to sleep. It did come, and it has lingered on into this morning. You don't want to know how long this post is taking to write, it's quite hard to type when you're shaking harder than the last Pope.

I've been trying to think of a way to describe the way that I'm feeling at the minute, but I can't get the words out. They've been taken in the flood which washed away my coherent thoughts of work and calm and forced itself out of my system in tears and sweat and phlegm and mucus.

This has not been a good first week of my countdown, and I am feeling more and more disillusioned with everything. I still wake up every morning and am still around to pray it might be otherwise every evening. I had hoped that this might not be the case and the the decision would have been taken out of my hands, but it was quite a vain hope I suppose.

Deadline

I am giving myself 5 weeks, starting Monday 18th Jan, to sort stuff out, particularly my grades. If nothing improves, I plan to quit Uni and end this chapter of a somewhat unfulfilled and unsatisfactory life.

I really don't want to do this, but it is important to be realistic; I have found that looking back, as pragmatically as possible, over the last two years, and assessing the pros and cons of remaining a student, the negative feelings and outcomes of my time at Uni are outweighing the positive ones. This is particularly true of the last 6 weeks, and I feel that setting out a deadline of 5 weeks is a sensible period of time in which to try and straighten things out before making any sort of decision.

I should point out that this is not one of the negative cycles that I find myself in on a semi-regular basis, and I am in fact being as objective as possible about this. I intend to keep some sort of record of how each day passes so that when it comes to making the decision I will have a decently sized continuous data set to consider, as well as the general view of things up to the start of this period.

The Clock's ticking, I hope very much that things will be better by the end of February.

End of the Line.

I have tried being a good friend and relative, I've tried being sociable, I've tried to work hard enough to earn my place at this University and in people's company, but I have failed, and now have nothing else to give.

I don't want to play this game any more, or keep trying to stay afloat in the rapids of my life. The failures simply return again and again in rushing tides, causing more trouble or politely hidden exasperation like rocks to smash my head against: and I do exactly the same thing again later in the hope of rectifying earlier problems, though I know it won't. It becomes a compulsive vicious circle, a whirlpool which continues to make things progressively worse, but which I can't get out of.

There are plenty platitudes and 'reassurances': "But we love you" and "Well I'm still your friend" etc. made all the worse by the add-ons at the end where people explain that this is actually momentous because "We don't hang around with just anyone", or "I'm the sort of person that would definitely tell you to get lost if I didn't want you around". What nobody seems to realise that it is a natual human phenomenon for a naturally decent person to be charitable towards someone who wouldn't have a hope in hell of finding anyone who actually liked them. The chance to be magnanimous is something that a person's subconscious jumps at, giving them a feeling of righteousness and nobility, and let's face it, most people like to feel good about themselves don't they? I get that people don't realise that they're doing this, but if they sat down and really thought about it, it would become clear that a friendship with someone like me (whose main character traits are irresponsibility, failure and untrustworthiness), is totally inexplicable and a substantial waste of time

My least favourite platitude, however, has to be: "Just do your best". This is, in my opinion, one the most abhorrent phrases ever. Most people when it comes to exams etc. tend to try their best, but the thing is that their best at that particular time may not actually be their personal best, and may in fact be rubbish. I've spent my whole life being encouraged to do my best; not helped of course by the apparent expectation that my best will be pretty good, and have been working up to University, which now appears to have bested me.

I have been trying my best, and my best has just run out of steam, I have no more best to give, no more effort or energy to be expended on anything. As far as I can see, my life finished the day that I got my A-level results, that's what my life had been working up to, and that's where it stopped. That was hard enough towards the end, and now, I'm done, empty, finished. Other people's lives extended beyond work, and they developed other skills to help them deal with the aftermath of school, but I didn't. This leads me to conclude that I didn't need any other skills, as I wasn't designed to be going any further.

I shouldn't be here.

I will be making a decision about my future in the next couple of days, any job/CV writing ideas would be gratefully received.