You're Giving Me Capt. Archer? Really?

Sometimes when thinking about certain situations, people envisage a number of different scenarios - generally along the lines of the best, or at least most preferable, one; the good, or at least acceptable, one; and the one which would be bearable if absolutely necessary. In this instance:

• To never have existed;
• To die;
• To have some use in the world and enough health/strength to see it through.

The problem is that one so often falls short of their own imaginings, even those they feel are conservative.

It's like needing someone to command the Enterprise: you're thinking Patrick Stewart, Bill Shatner, or maybe, at a push, Alan Ruck, but then you get stuck with Scott Bakula.

Of course, the first case is clearly impossible, but neither of the others are intractable problems, were I not so weak (even ignoring the physical weaknesses the solutions to which are largely in the hands of others at the moment). How often is it said that getting something done, particularly curing oneself of a mental illness, is simply dependent on really wanting it and deciding to make it happen? Motivation is surely a key, but I don't think it is purely will, I think it is the strength of character driving the will. I don't mean strength in the sense of depth of yearning, but more fundamentally, the ability to put such yearning into action. It is an ability, like painting or composing, which is not always available to whoever wants it. Yes some abilities can be taught, to a point, but can they all, to all people? Can a deaf man hear, just because he really wants to?

I am not just weak, I am weak minded. I mean, both ends of the life spectrum are on my list: oblivion or useful existence, and presumably I could make either happen - I'd love to in fact - but my mental feebleness and pervading cowardice leave me stewing.

I wonder occasionally, if God's idea of 7 days is 14 billion years, then surely the 28 day warranty on this life he gave me must still be intact. D'you think he does refunds?

So, While I've Been Studying...

... my brother and his mates have been doing this:

Crazy Music Happenings Resulting In "Existence Zero: Definitions of a Heresy"

Apparently, it's classed as Cosmic War Metal (generally in all caps, but I'm not really as shout-y as metal-heads), and as much as it's not my brother's usual creative style, it's not my primary go to genre for listening. However, it's the sort of music to play during global war, and when I'm revising that's what my head thinks is happening, so last week was a convenient release date in that I was in the right mindset to receive it and give it a hearing.

Without experience of metal in general, I can't really compare it objectively on the basis on conformity to musical convention, but from an outsider's perspective it seems pretty good. Although there is an overall theme and consistency of style, there is enough of a melodic, rhythmic and temporal range across the record which creates an entry point for a variety of listeners depending on their metal pedigree or tastes. For myself, I have discovered that vocals aren't really my cup of cha in this area, but the examples here seem well produced for those for whom this is not the case, and, since the record is not too vocal-heavy, this did not detract significantly from the listening experience.

I will probably listen again properly when my exams are over, to give a more detailed review, and perhaps to see if the lack of stress alters my perceptions, but for now, I recommend a listen and would have to say it is the best cosmic war metal EP I've heard, although it may help to know that this is the only cosmic war metal EP I've heard...

Revision 2011

It’s that time of year again – May/June is the bane of most students’ lives.

I have 7 exams this year, 2 of which I sat last week: Introduction to Artificial Intelligence, and Continuum Mathematics. The first exam was bearable, the second much less so. Luckily, I had some friends from church who live round the corner from the venue and very kindly invited me for dinner. This gave me a chance to calm down and have a bit of time completely away from work, refreshing me for the revision to begin again on Saturday.

This Tuesday will see me sit exam number 3 – Optimisation Theory and Applications. Really, I should be revising for that now, but the progress seems to be going well enough that I have decided to call today my ‘day of rest’ to attempt to shake this headache in time for a blitz day tomorrow. To be honest, the likelihood is that I will actually return to work later this evening, but for now I’m just focusing on feeling better and not feeling guilty.

If anybody reading this is also going through exams at the minute or in the near future, I wish you all the best.

Quick Competition:
You may just be able to see in the photo that my pen is very kindly being held by a little man. This is my mascot, Dave the Spaceman, and his name has been carefully chosen for two specific reasons – if you can tell me what they both are, there may be a prize. It may possibly something as amazing as the smug feeling that comes from being right – like when you shout at the telly! Or perhaps something more tangible, like chocolate or something…

(More pictures of Dave ‘helping’ with my revision may well follow on Picasa, but for now, if you’re itching for more, you can check out my Facebook album ‘Revision 2011’)

‘Title’ seems to be the hardest phrase…

Howdy folks, it’s been a while.

I won’t bother to explain away my absence, but I can explain my re-emergence: I have a new schedule in place which is aimed at helping me to work more effectively. How does this affect my blogging? Well, part of this attempt to improve the quality of my work involves creating the appropriate ratio between work and breaks – 45 minutes working followed by a 15 minute break, as opposed to spending the whole hour ‘half working’, as well as regular, longer breaks.

As such, I now have specified periods in which to do ‘nothing’. Unfortunately, I don’t like feeling that any time is being completely unproductive, so I plan to use those times to revisit some of my old hobbies. These include things like origami and writing, and the blog seems like a useful place to chronicle the success (or otherwise) of this new schedule – somewhere that I could keep a clear chronology of my own progress, and where other readers could possibly also keep a check and perhaps give me some advice/suggestions to keep it going.

As this explanation has been quite long-winded, I won’t include any additional ramblings, but hopefully I’ll post something equally inane, if somewhat less topical, soon.

... of the Week (#1):

This week – Word of the Week (#1):

So, recently I have been indulging in a little fancy. Every week I have been picking a word - generally one out of common use, and giving myself a week to try it out and see how it feels. On the whole it's been pretty fun, and I'd like to share the experience.

Quite often I use a book that I have which contains a selection of Dr Samuel Johnson's definitions. However, this week I have decided to post a rather more relevant word, which the world seems to have almost desensitised itself to. These days this word carries with it an aura of flippancy, and I have used it myself in that sense, but for students, especially those with health issues like me, it has a very particular pertinence:

failvb
1. to be unsuccessful in an attempt.
2. to stop operating.
3. to judge or be judged as being below the officially acceptedstandard required in a course or examination.
4. to prove disappointing or useless to someone.
5. to neglect or be unable to do something.

This word will probably last a fortnight, but I promise the next one will be better/funnier, and at some point I may mix it up a bit with some new phrases or origins of myths etc.