Warning: Ramble alert (probably safest for those with ADHD or the like not to bother with this one)!!!
How-do folks,
It's been a tough year, and now it's going to start all over again. The new Uni term starts tomorrow, with me enrolled as an occasional student, retaking the first year (all bar two coursework-only units in which I actually did quite well: one of them being programming, yes I did well: 61%). I'm hoping that this year will progress somewhat less turbulently than last and that this time I will be able to do enough work to pass.
In two of my exams, I came close to passing and in the majority I was half-way to a pass: all of which sound quite feeble, but for the state I was in and the complete lack of any productive work I was able to do, these facts are (or should be) quite reassuring. If I can come close to a pass with virtually no useful knowledge of the subject, I should, in theory be able to do alright if I am able to put in the study hours this year.
So, I'm trying to stay positive about this, although right now, the knots in my stomach are doubling up on themselves and I am quite nervous. I guess what I have to try and remember is that this year there is comparatively little pressure. If I don't feel like I can go to lectures, I don't have to. I am hoping, that this philosphy will work for the best; knowing I don't have to go to lectures if I'm not well should hopefully take away the pressure and nervousness that causes me not to be well and therefore the knowledge of not having to go should in actual fact make it easier to go.
I'm not quite sure my Mum gets this, or even if I've explained it terribly well, but I know what I mean, and I also know that if this whole reverse psychology thing doesn't work, I can revert to the straight-forward stuff which shouldn't really leave me any worse off. Either I manage to make to the lectures and establish myself in the daily Uni routine (which will help me for next year); or I stay at home and study and go in just for the exams. Either way, although I may be slightly worse off with regards to next year, whatever happens I should at least gain enough knowledge to get me in a situation where a next year of study is possible. At this point, that's my aim.
If there is anyone out there reading this who hasn't given up and left by now; please spare a thought (just the one would be fine) for me, and wish me luck. "Finally," thinks the reader, "we see the eponymous request!" Yes it was a while coming and really turned out to be something of an anti-climax: apologies for that, and if you are still here, well done for your patience and determination to see this through to the end.
Well, that's a nice bumbling start into the new year, I guess we'll just see how it goes. Sorry for taking up web-space with meaningless ramble, I will now go and stick my head in a plastic bag or something (no, wait, that's Glous Uni not Bristol...) in order to make up to society for this worthless piece of Rhetoric.
Tchuss
Sunday, 5 October 2008
Wednesday, 27 August 2008
Photo update
I have finally managed to start looking at the first three films taken on my new camera (Canon 500 EOS mmm yeh), and a few of them have now gone up on Flickr: criticism (constuctive only please) is always welcome.
Have in the last couple of weeks taken two more films; so there should be a fairly steady flow of uploads as an when I get round to getting them developed.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/23087670@N06/
Have in the last couple of weeks taken two more films; so there should be a fairly steady flow of uploads as an when I get round to getting them developed.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/23087670@N06/
Wednesday, 23 July 2008
Monday, 7 July 2008
"And Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now"
Some days are better than others. Today is certainly not one of those days.
The Doctor, when he prescribed this new medication, did say that things would probably deteriorate quite a lot before they started to get any better, and he was definitely right. I feel rotten. My sleep is getting worse, something I didn't think could happen, and my moods are now so unpredictable that I really don't know what's going on from one minute to the next. It doesn't help of course that without Uni or anything like that, I don't have any structure which I feel obliged to follow; and please don't suggest I get a job, because the way I feel, and the way I am with new things, that just isn't an option. I wish it was, but there's no way I could handle that at present, I just couldn't.
With the short bursts of sleep that I do manage to get, I wake up feeling an even more intense sense of disappointment that the death dream didn't fullfil itself during the night. I've had a death dream on a pretty regular basis for as long as I can remember, and it's always left me feeling at a bit of an anticlimax in the morning: that nagging regret that it didn't happen for real and the hope throughout the day that "tonight it might work". However, as is fairly obvious by the presence of this post, it has never happened, and over the years, although it never went away, I had, I thought, learnt to live with the gutted feeling that lived inside me and took over my thoughts. But then recently it started to become more pressing, a far more active and distracting thought in my mind that I can't seem to work through; nor do I want to if I'm honest.
Well there's not really anything I can do about it except try and practice my bluffing technique for tomorrow so that I don't ruin my Dad's birthday, not something I'm terribly optimistic about, but I do want him to have a nice day.
The Doctor, when he prescribed this new medication, did say that things would probably deteriorate quite a lot before they started to get any better, and he was definitely right. I feel rotten. My sleep is getting worse, something I didn't think could happen, and my moods are now so unpredictable that I really don't know what's going on from one minute to the next. It doesn't help of course that without Uni or anything like that, I don't have any structure which I feel obliged to follow; and please don't suggest I get a job, because the way I feel, and the way I am with new things, that just isn't an option. I wish it was, but there's no way I could handle that at present, I just couldn't.
With the short bursts of sleep that I do manage to get, I wake up feeling an even more intense sense of disappointment that the death dream didn't fullfil itself during the night. I've had a death dream on a pretty regular basis for as long as I can remember, and it's always left me feeling at a bit of an anticlimax in the morning: that nagging regret that it didn't happen for real and the hope throughout the day that "tonight it might work". However, as is fairly obvious by the presence of this post, it has never happened, and over the years, although it never went away, I had, I thought, learnt to live with the gutted feeling that lived inside me and took over my thoughts. But then recently it started to become more pressing, a far more active and distracting thought in my mind that I can't seem to work through; nor do I want to if I'm honest.
Well there's not really anything I can do about it except try and practice my bluffing technique for tomorrow so that I don't ruin my Dad's birthday, not something I'm terribly optimistic about, but I do want him to have a nice day.
Wednesday, 2 July 2008
Friendly Wednesday
Mark and I went to Richmond today to look for my Dad's birthday present, and we seem to have stumbled upon a new type of "Day" (you know the thing, "Fathers' Day", "Valentine's Day", "Dressdown Friday" etc), which we think ought to become a regular feature in people's Diaries. We have Christened it "Friendly Wednesday".
Almost everyone that we met seemed to be in a nice, friendly mood, even the Bus drivers who are not renowned in London for their politeness. Mark had a nice chat with the comic shop owner whose area of Geekiness appeared to be on a similar wavelength to his own, and the lady in the newsagents who updated our oyster cards smiled and spoke to us rather than just staring at us with the "this is a local shop..." attitude.
We did think, while we were eating our chip-shop lunch by the river, that maybe it was just because were in Richmond which is somewhat posher than Hounslow, but then we remembered that the guy who brought us our Tesco delivery this morning was also really nice (I liked him so much I was tempted to invite him in for Tea and Cake), so it seemed that it could be a more general thing.
So..."Friendly Wednesdays", let's run with it people.
Almost everyone that we met seemed to be in a nice, friendly mood, even the Bus drivers who are not renowned in London for their politeness. Mark had a nice chat with the comic shop owner whose area of Geekiness appeared to be on a similar wavelength to his own, and the lady in the newsagents who updated our oyster cards smiled and spoke to us rather than just staring at us with the "this is a local shop..." attitude.
We did think, while we were eating our chip-shop lunch by the river, that maybe it was just because were in Richmond which is somewhat posher than Hounslow, but then we remembered that the guy who brought us our Tesco delivery this morning was also really nice (I liked him so much I was tempted to invite him in for Tea and Cake), so it seemed that it could be a more general thing.
So..."Friendly Wednesdays", let's run with it people.
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